Dear Prabhujis and Matajis,
Hare Krishna. Please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Gurudeva and Srila Prabhupada.
The following is a humble realization from H G Svayam Sphuraty prabhu in Abu dhabi.
Last month on 25 Jan 05, I had to rush to Calgary to attend the burial ceremony of my younger brother's first baby boy, Gopal, who was just 10 ten days old and died all of a sudden without any illness. It was very painful for me to carry tulsi twigs and pieces of sandlewood for the burial ceremony of Gopal for whom I had purchased the clothes and toys just three days back. I stayed in Calgary for one week consoling my brother and particularly sister-in-law. During this period, I struggled very hard in different ways to remain Krishna conscious and I had several experiences mixed with realizations, which are summarized as follows:
1. During the journey I felt that I would faint when I see the dead body of Gopal. However, just before the arrival of the graveyard I read Nrsimha Kavacha several times and chanted 'Hare Krishna' Mahamantra. Finally, when I first met my brother and sister-in-law and looked at the dead body of Gopal, I said to myself "there is no reason to shed tears for this lump of blood, urine and stool. The real Gopal (the eternal soul) has already left this body and exists somewhere else." These two things helped me wonderfully to control myself and my emotions during the one hour burial ceremony.
2. During the journey, I read King Citraketu's pastime and noted a couple of relevant points to console myself and others. Firstly, Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to SB 6.16.5 that one should think that this living entity was my enemy in my past life, and now, having appeared as my son, he is prematurely leaving just to give me pain and agony. So, one should feel jubilant and not lament on the death of an enemy. If one raises the question, that how could we have loved our child if it was really our enemy, Srila Prabhupada gives the answer for that too by saying that In such situation, we must remember that if the living entity comes back to his spiritual senses and starts talking to the person, he would not recognize us as his father or mother because in the previous so many millions of birth we were not his father and mother and in future millions of birth we are not assured to be his father/mother.Therefore, the so-called relationship of father/mother and son in just one birth for a very limited time has no meaning.
3. Another thought hit my mind was that it was Krishna's mercy that Gopal died after 10 days. Otherwise, Gopal's death after a longer period of his survival would have caused greater pain for my brother and sister-in-law. When I discussed these points with my brother, sister-in-law and some well-wishers over there, I observed that they (including myself) felt quite relieved from the grief.
4. One night I was feeling very dejected and disappointed upon seeing the pathetic condition of my sister-in-law. Also, I was thinking Krishna is very angry with me and I do not know how to please Krishna. However, I forced my mind to pick up SB and started reading the chapter 'Prahlada pacifies Lord Nrsimhadeva with Prayers'. In SB 7.9.4 & 5, I read that Prahlada Maharaja was able to pacify the Lord Nrsimhadeva just by offering his prostrated obeisances at His lotus feet. Also, I recalled our Guru Maharaja quoting a devotee's email in Granthraj that the difference between a problem and a solution is as small as difference between the knee and floor i.e. surrender to Krishna. I recalled further SB 12.13.23 pranaamo duhkha shamanas... that just by offering obeisances one is relieved from all material sufferings. Immediately within few minutes, I felt a great satisfaction that I got the solution of the problem. Next day morning, I offered my dandavat obeisances to Krishna remembering that just by offering obeisances I can please Krishna and relieve myself from duhkha. AMAZINGLY, that day turned to be the most peaceful and fruitful day, out of 7 days, not only for me but for everyone else also.
5. At one point of time, I thought that my sister-in-law would not live for a long time if she continues not to eat or drink. Then I consoled myself by remembering antakale ca mameva smaran muktava kalevaram that if she dies while murmuring "my Gopala, my Gopala", she would be liberated from the repeated cycle of birth and death as it happened with Ajamila who chanted"Narayana, Narayana.." not as God's name but his son's name, and still got liberated.
6. Whenever I remembered Krishna, I begged Him (though I should not) not to relieve me from miseries but to give me the strength to tolerate the miseries so that I can follow His instruction given in BG 2.14 taams titiksasva bharata.
7. Finally, during one week I saw my brother and sister-in-law lamenting so much on the separation of just 10 days old child. This made me think how much pain I had given (and still continue to give) to my mother and father who took care of me for 9,490 days(26 years) before I left them alone 12 years back to come to Abu Dhabi.
Nevertheless, I must admit that during this whole episode my mind remained extremely agitated, which is the symptom of a person who is NOT fully Krishna consciousness. But, I still have the hope that one day by the mercy of Krishna and vaishnavas, I would be able to control the agitations of my mind in the midst of any kind of miseries and fix my mind fully upon Krishna.
Svayam Sphuraty Krishna das
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