5th Oct 2004
Sajjana Priya Krishna das

Hare Krishna Prabhujis and Matajis,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada and Srila Gurudev.

We are all aware that self-realization is the primary goal of a devotee and this requires the knowledge of God realization.The process of self-realization is nicely described in 9th chapter of Bhagavad Gita by Lord Krishna Himself and He also elucidates the main stumbling block in achieving self-realization in BG 9.3.

aśraddadhānāḥ puruṣā dharmasyāsya paran-tapa
aprāpya māṁ nivartante mṛtyu-saṁsāra-vartmani

Those who are not faithful in this devotional service cannot attain Me, O conqueror of enemies. Therefore they return to the path of birth and death in this material world.

Lack of faith is the main stumbling block in our spiritual progress. Actually this is the first step in the ladder of devotional service and if there is faithlessness we cannot dream of stepping on the ladder of devotional service, what to speak of progress?

We read and understand so many times that Krishna will protect us always but faith is lacking in us. Even though I am giving classes in Srimad Bhagavatam, I must admit that still I have not even surrendered to the Lord even 1% and therefore realization is lacking. I would like to share a personal experience.

One day I went to the bank to draw some money and they asked for my identity card and labor card (which is the most important document to be possessed by us at all times and if we don't have and if there is any inspection by govt. authorities we may be sent to jail without any inquiries. It is the heartline of our existence in UAE). I submitted the cards to the cashier of the bank and I collected the money but however, I forgot to collect the two cards. I came home without the cards. The day was a Saturday and it was holiday for me and I did not even think about the cards. Next day when I started to go to office, I looked at my wallet and found  the cards missing. The identity card/labor card need to be shown to the security before entering our office. I was totally shocked and very anxious and tried to recollect from my memory as to where I have lost the card. Obtaining a duplicate card is a very long and difficult procedure and it takes a lot of time. By Krishna's mercy, I could remember that I might  have left the card in the Bank. So I decided to go to the bank and check with them for the cards.  At that point my real faith in the Lord was tested. My mind was not in the chanting. I was not able to have faith in the names and the mind was going all over to think where I had left the card. It was not possible for my mind to keep the simple faith in the Lord that He will somehow arrange for me to get my card back. But the soul was convincing me that please have faith, you have left the card in the bank only and not anywhere else. But still the faithlessness was more predominating. So after one hour of inattentive chanting, I went to the Bank and the Clerk handed over the ID card and Labor card.

Even for a small material thing, I do not have faith in the Lord. How I am going to be convinced that total surrender to the Lord will relieve me of all sins and I will be to attain the eternal devotional service in his eternal abode ? Srila Prabhupada defines faith as, "Unflinching trust in something sublime."

Unflinching means without any iota of doubt. Just like we have 100% faith in our mother in identifying our father, and we do not question, we have to develop the unflinching faith in the Lord who is the supreme Mother, Father and Grandsire. I sincerely pray to the lord that a wretched rascal like me be shown mercy  and compassion so that I can develop the unflinching faith in Him and realize Him.

Yours in service of Srila Prabhupada and Srila Gurudev,
Sajjana Priya Krishna das
Abu Dhabi.