Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to our Srila Prabhupada and Srila Gurudev.
Apart for some Spiritual Warriors as I would call them (and believe me, I saw quite a few of them in last Gurudev's VyasaPuja in Rajkot, I will avoid mentioning all their names not to embarrass them, but deep in my thoughts I will pay my full respect to all of these devotees). I am sure that many of us (mortal beings) had experience or will experience the situation(the point of our airplane crashing down) when after having association for some time with the pure devotee and after leaving that association all of the sudden we just experience that almost all our anarthas are back in very short time if not instantly, leaving us with a question was I just dreaming or I really had such association?
I recently had the same experience after coming back from Rajkot after I came back after spending one fantastic month full of spiritual blissful activities; waking up at 4 am without a single day missing mangal aratik, chanting sometimes few beads sincerely (as Maharaj told us the last time even if you chant 5 beads out of 108 sincerely, that is a great success), spending long hours in Bhagavatam class, chanting the Gayatri mantra on time etc, etc, etc., All of the sudden you just wake up from the dream and everything is upside down again - nothing is regulated anymore. Frankly speaking, I have never looked so deeply into this problem or sincerely asked myself where did I go wrong?
For sure it is not easy to answer these questions in one sentence as there are many reasons and each one's case might be different, but most common for all of us is I AM IN MAYA, Oh it is all because of Maya, it is Kali Yuga's fault. But we all have heard Maharaj saying "Rascal, you have chosen to stay in Maya. It is not Maya's fault. There is Kali Yuga only when you choose to stay in Kali Yuga". Maharaj also gave a broad answer, 'Lack of maturity in our Devotional service' in the recently concluded Vyasa puja. It came to a point that Maharaj even postponed initiation for some devotees for few days and for some he even left it for the next year. For many of us it was the first time to experience Maharaj in this way, but for sure it was an act of great concern about our immature spiritual behavior.
Few years back when I pointed this problem to Maharaj he give me this answer.
"It is our duty to mold our life's so that we will never ever get fed up in Krishna Consciousness. We alone are to be blamed for our present situation; I have sole responsibility to take care of my spiritual life, no matter what happens with me or around me, I will never get feb up in Krishna Consciousness.
There is a famous sentence which Maharaj likes to quote from Srila Prabhupada purport 1.15.50. It reveals to us a startling point on our responsibilities in terms of our spiritual endeavors.
"When flying an airplane, one cannot take care of other planes. Everyone has to take care of his own plane, and if there is any danger, no other plane can help another in that condition. Similarly, at the end of life, when one has to go back home, back to Godhead, everyone has to take care of himself without help rendered by another. The help is, however, offered on the ground before flying in space. Similarly, the spiritual master, the father, the mother, the relatives, the husband and others can all render help during one's lifetime, but while crossing the sea one has to take care of himself and utilize the instructions formerly received."
Please bless me that my spiritual airplane never ever crash down again.
Aspiring to be your most fallen servant,
Murlidhara Krsna das
P.S: Out of great mercy, Maharaj this time added to my initiation name 'Krsna', trying to remind continually me fool number one, my original constitutional position that ,"I am a servant of Krsna".
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