Japa Reform

Dear Prabhujis and Matajis,
Hare Krishna. Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I was reading Japa Reform Notebook by HH Satsvarupa Maharaj today and found the following honest introspection worthwhile to meditate upon.

O my Lord, when will my eyes be decorated with tears of love flowing constantly when i chant Your holy name ? When will my voice choke up, and when will the hairs of my body stand on end at the recitation of Your name? - Sikshastaka 6.

When will the day come when i chant the holy name and not just "my rounds" ? Meditating on the "second round", "the third round", and "the fourth round" is to mix the pure sound of Krsna's name with the thought of an ordinary number. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. But these numbers are in themselves niyama aagraha - following the rules without realization. "Now i am on the second round," "Oh, this is the third round" - what kind of chanting and hearing is this ?

How often do we say with foolish satisfaction, "I got my rounds done," "I finished chanting," or "I did my rounds." But did you chant as Lord Caitanya prays ? No, you were too busy trying to stay awake, trying to keep your mind on the right track. Where was the time for crying at the feet of the holy name ? You didn't "finish chanting." You haven't even started! Chant humbly and pray, for forgiveness for your offensive chanting and for a chance to improve.

Thank you very much,
Yours in service of Srila Prabhupada,
Kalacakra das